How To Support A Friend With a New Baby

It can be exciting when your friend welcomes her new baby into the world. You likely want to rush over with a hot meal and coo over the little bundle of joy, take a selfie to post, and maybe even bring a nice gift to support your friend as she grips with the reality of motherhood. But is that the best way to be supportive?

The outpouring of love from friends and family coming over to see the new baby actually has the opposite effect that it should. It likely makes your mom friend feel stressed, overwhelmed, and even depressed! Bunches of flowers that need to find homes in a vase just to be thrown away in a few days, cards that scatter glitter all over everything (“Can that get into my baby’s mouth?!”), and meals that require more than just a night or two to eat through, which can take up too much space in the refrigerator and freezer, can all make a mom feel more emotional, on top of just having brought a new baby home!

So, as a friend, how can you do better? What does it take to be a good, supportive, and caring friend after she just had a baby? Many people don’t know what to do, so you’re not alone. Here are some helpful hints and things you can do to support a friend with a new baby.

One of the easiest things you can do to be the most supportive is to converse with your friend. Maybe you’re not that close - so shoot her a text! Ask what she needs, how she’s doing, and what you can do to help. 

Maybe you could swing by the store and grab her some fragrance-free baby wash, come over to help her put away baby gifts and clothes, or help her install her wall-mount camera. Some other helpful things for new moms include:

• Suncreen: New moms don’t always think about taking their baby outdoors in the sun, but if you live in an area where you have sunshine or it’s summer, this is a great gift for her!

• Baby wipes: She can never have enough!

Your friend may not want visitors right away, even you. Don’t take it personally. Most moms may feel that they have so much going on, and maybe your friend won’t know what she needs help with, and that’s okay, too. But at least then, you’ve asked and put it out there so she knows you’re there in case she needs you.

It would benefit your friend if you keep asking her, too. Don’t stop at just one time of “What can I do to help?” Reach out a couple of times per week or more, depending on your relationship, so she knows you want to be there for her.

Clean Her House

If your friend isn’t sure what she needs, new moms everywhere can always use help with cleaning. You can offer to do a couple of loads of laundry, even if you don’t necessarily visit—just pick it up and do it at your own home and bring it back. If she doesn’t mind you visiting, offer to wash dishes and put them away, run the vacuum, sweep the floors, or do some surface dusting.

If you want to make it more of a gift for your friend, you could send a cleaning surface or buy her a voucher for those services. It can be one of the best gifts for a new mom not to have to worry about housework when she wants to put all of her focus on her newborn.

Organize Meals

Yes, meals are still a great thing to offer your friend since dinner plans are probably the last thing on her mind. As a supportive friend, it’s a great idea to organize a meal train with other friends and family to drop off on different days so she’s not being bombarded with meals all at once. You might also want to offer her some options for various meals and ensure they aren’t duplicated so she’s not eating the same thing. Maybe locate some of her favorite restaurants and send over some takeout so she can feel she still has the option to “eat out” once a week.

It’s worth mentioning that these meals should be manageable in size. Many people create big, casserole-like dishes for these life-changing events, thinking that it’s helpful when they can be incredibly wasteful. Remind those who want to help make and drop off meals how many people are in the family and work to keep the serving level down so she’s not overwhelmed with lots of leftovers.

Run Errands

New moms don’t like being away from their babies and getting the baby ready for a simple outing can be a real chore. Offering to run errands, such as grabbing your friend's groceries or picking up something she needs from the store, is a great way to be supportive and reliable. It can be as simple as dropping off her favorite iced coffee, taking the dog for a walk around the neighborhood, or running to the bank to deposit her check, but it can go a long way to show that you understand those little things can help tremendously. 

Your friend may want you to visit, and if you do, be supportive and not remark on the state of the house or anything she’s doing with her baby. As a friend, it’s natural to offer input or advice, especially when your friend may be asking questions out loud or inquiring about what she needs to do in situations with her baby. However, rather than coming down on her with criticism or tons of suggestions, just listen.

Her emotions are still not under control, and your friend may burst into tears seemingly for no reason. Just be there and validate whatever your friend is going through. That’s all she needs right now to help her feel better.

Check In Often

Your friend will be going through a lot in the upcoming months. Once the baby is born, it’s only the beginning of how much changes in her life. As a supportive friend, you should check in with her often to see how she’s doing, even if she isn’t contacting you. It’s easy to feel neglected because your friend has so much going on, but she still needs you.

Parents often receive much attention for the first few weeks, and then it tapers off. Your friend still needs attention and consideration since even though things have settled, there’s still a lot happening. Maybe you can send a hefty breakfast order on a random weekend morning when you know the whole family is home and give them a nice boost for the day when the baby is 7 or 8 weeks old. 

Supporting a friend with a new baby can mean many things, but the most important thing you can do is just be there for her during this time. It’s exciting and wonderful, yes, but it’s also overwhelming, stressful, and scary. Knowing that your friend can count on you if she needs you in any way will be a fantastic resource!